The first Friday morning in June is when the story starts - I had a midwife appointment that morning. (Kind of wish I had looked at my weight now so that I have an idea of what my end weight was but...) We measured in at 38 weeks, right on schedule, which was funny because 3 weeks before we measured at 40 weeks. Little Miss was engaged for sure!!! Her weight, through palpation, was estimated in the high 7s - hah! I didn't have an internal check and was okay with that. I knew in my mind that I'd only have to be pregnant for a maximum of four more weeks and was prepared to wait it out. Random contractions and/or strong BH had been coming since Wednesday so I was so hopeful that things were moving along.
Saturday morning, my sister and I went to get our facials. It was heavenly! My esthetician worked the reflex points on my feet, ankles, and heels like crazy and it hurt like hell but felt great. I knew it was worth it. I spent the rest of the day relaxing. Sunday was a different story! I sure didn't get the "burst of energy" that they talk about when you start nesting but man, oh, man did I bust ass on cleaning my house. I figured that it was probably my last chance unless I took an extra day off work to do it and I knew that wasn't a possibility. Plus I figured the activity might move things along! All day long I continued to have mild, irregular contractions.
Jared had baseball that afternoon/evening so I met my friend Joy and her two step sons at the gym and we hung out in the pool. We didn't do anything but bob around in the water and it felt great. I wish I had hit the pool earlier in my pregnancy just for the wonderful feeling of weightlessness. Jared got home from baseball around 8 and we settled in to watch some TV. Just as I plopped my fat ass on the love seat, I felt a liquid warm my nether regions. Now, I'd forgotten to bring clean undies to the gym with me so I was going commando. I headed into the bathroom to check things out. There was a huge wet spot on the crotch of my jeans and more fluid kept coming out. I knew I wasn't peeing because I hadn't peed more than a tablespoon or so in months and it just kept coming! I called Jared in and told him I thought my water had broke. We were both a little nervous and excited. Honestly, sitting on the toilet, my heart rate quickened, and my stomach started turning flip flops. I called the clinic and the midwife on call said to stick it out at home and get a good night's sleep since my birth plan was to go it without interventions. I called my sister and told her I needed her to bring my camera back (I had borrowed it to her to use the day before) so she came over. She was irritated until I told her why I needed her to bring it right away. While waiting for her, I wandered around the house, trying to pack my bag and delivering the news to my parents. (My dad was super funny and just passed me off to my mom.) I tried to watch TV and couldn't concentrate, hopped on the computer to update here, and mostly did everything but get rest. I figured I better take a shower and get the business cleaned up and shave my legs since Jared wasn't willing to shave for me. I really wish I would have forced him to (or scheduled a bikini wax to go with my facial) because when I checked things out after delivery, I discovered that I did a horrible job. I missed so many spots. We went to bed around 11 pm and I just tossed and turned, continuing to have random contractions, growing in intensity. I think I got a total of around 2 or 3 hours of sleep.
At 8 am Monday morning, we loaded our bags into the car, explained to Alex where we were going and who we would return with, and headed off to the hospital. At that time, I felt pretty calm and very excited. Jared was pretty excited to think that soon he'd be holding his little girl. I changed into my nightgown, got strapped into the fetal monitor, and went through about a billion pages of paperwork. Sign this, fill out that, blah, blah, blah for about a half hour! Meanwhile, the contractions that I'd been having essentially mellowed out. Eventually the midwife on call, Jenny, came in to check me out. She did two different tests to see if it was amniotic fluid and both came back negative and she said it was just my mucous plug. (Here I was expecting to find a giant booger in my shorts but instead it's more like I peed my pants. Throughout the day it got more booger-y.) She asked me if I wanted her to check my cervix. I said sure but I'll probably cry if I'm not dilated. Yep, I cried. Not dilated. So we packed up our bags and headed home. I cried all the way back to the car and all the way home. And then cried some more when I got home.
I took a nap for about 2 or 3 hours. My mom and I went to get pedicures and went to Target. The walking around helped and I noticed that my contrations were getting stronger. We met my sister and my friend Joy for dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant. All through dinner, I kept having contractions intense enough to have to rock back and forth to distract myself. Those contractions continued all evening. I think I went to bed around 11 pm.
Around midnight on Tuesday, the contractions started getting very regular. I'd look at the clock and try to sleep between them. At that point they were about 8 to 10 minutes apart and a little less than a minute long. Around 1:30 or 2, I couldn't handle laying in bed anymore and got up. I fired up www.contractionmaster.com and tried to distract myself by surfing the net. Each contraction got more and more intense and I found that I had to stand up and sway during each. I cried with almost every one. They were about a minute long and 6 to 8 minutes apart. Around 3, I decided that I couldn't do it alone anymore and got Jared up. I felt scared and alone and needed his support. He was confused because my water hadn't broken - it took me a long time to explain to him that it doesn't have to have broken for me to be in labor. (Apparently he wasn't paying attention in baby class...) I was pretty pissed off at him because he wasn't doing a damn thing to help me out. All he was doing was laying on the couch and hitting start on his iPhone with Labor Mate. And he was getting pissed off at me because I wasn't saying specifically to him "Okay, another contraction just started." Honestly, you'd think that a woman swaying in the middle of the living room in the dark, with tears streaming down her face would be indication enough. So we yelled at each other and I told him to piss off and go to work and I'd do it alone. He got dressed and was standing at the door about to leave when we got it together and both calmed down. I reminded him to look at the list of things he could do to help that he had made in birth class. He thought maybe we ought to go to the hospital. I called and talked to Jenny (same midwife from the day before). She said it sounded like I was still in early labor and to come in whenever I felt like I needed to and that she'd let them know to expect me sometime that morning or so. I was pretty disappointed to hear that; I thought for sure she'd say "Get your ass in here - that baby's on her way out in a few minutes." I called our doula, Beth, and asked her to come over to help get Jared and me on track. When she got to our house, I was in the nursery in the glider and Jared was sitting next to me. Having him close during contractions was helpful. Beth suggested that I try to get some sleep if I could and also change postion every half hour. Lay down for a half hour, walk for a half hour, get in the shower or bath for a half hour... So she left, told us to call her when we were leaving for the hospital or at the hospital. She said she'd know for sure that I was in active labor because Jared would be the one calling her, not me. She was right. I think I had him call my work and tell them that I wasn't going to be in. (I had talked to them after our false alarm and told them to expect me at work.)
Around 6 am or so, Jared, Alex, and I snuggled in bed. I was able to get a bit of sleep in between contractions. It was almost impossible to lay down during each contraction - some of them I stood and swayed, some I rocked on my hands and knees, some I walked around. The only consistent thing I did was cry and tell Jared that it hurt so bad - he kept asking me if I wanted to go to the hospital and have some drugs. I kept telling him no, I didn't want to go (I was afraid that they'd send me home again). I tried standing in the shower, I tried sitting in the bathtub, and that was too intense. I couldn't sit still during them anymore or even keep it together. Jared decided that we were going to the hospital. I kept wandering around the house, he was telling me to get dressed, I told him I didn't know what to wear. He found my jeans and actually had to put them on for me. I went to the hospital wearing a nightgown and jeans. I paced up and down the sidewalk until Jared forced me to get in the car. It was so intense to sit down - I pushed my feet hard into the floor and my hands into the roof of the car or grabbed the oh shit handle and just prayed that we made it to the hospital in time. There was some dumbass ahead of us camped out a stoplight when he could have turned so I leaned over and laid on the horn. Seriously, didn't he know there was a lady in labor behind him?! The ride to the hospital took probably about 15 minutes but felt like an eternity. I think we left around 9 am or so.
My hospital has valet parking (due to the construction currently going on) so we pulled into the U to drop the car off. I got out and headed towards the door. Jared took care of grabbing our bags and handing off the keys to the valet. The valet guy offered to get me a wheelchair. I just ignored him and kept going. The guy immediately inside the door told someone at the reception desk that I needed a wheelchair and an escort. I told him I didn't and kept going. I had no idea where Jared was. I just knew where I needed to go and didn't need anyone interfering with my progress. I must have looked pretty rough because on the walk to L&D, I had about a half dozen more people either ask me, "Ma'am, are you okay?" or if I needed help. Apparently, there is a shortage of hugely pregnant women in nightgowns and jeans with tears streaming down their faces bookin' it to the delivery area. Somehow I made it to the right floor and somehow Jared was there with me. (I guess I wasn't going as fast as I thought I was...) We got to the nurses desk and they asked me my name, of course, I couldn't answer so Jared took care of getting me taken checked in. They told me I was looking and doing really good, definetely active. I told them I was doing terrible and that they better hurry because she was coming. Off we went to the same room we were in just 24 hours before. Thank God we did all that paperwork the day before because there was no way in hell I would have been able to sit through 30 minutes of that shit again!
I didn't even bother going into the bathroom to take off my jeans and underwear. Somehow they made it back into my overnight bag - it's still a mystery how. Mimi, my nurse, hooked me up to all the monitors and Jill, the midwife on call (now my favorite midwife), came in to check me out. She asked if we had a birth plan and Jared handed it over to her. She said she wanted to make sure that she didn't do anything she wasn't supposed to! After looking it over, she did my internal. Now remember, I was certain that the baby was crowning. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when Jill said I was dilated to 5 cm. Say what?! Shit, shit, shit. I have to go 5 more cm?! Jill was super impressed that I was that far. She said typically women progress 1 cm per hour. You've got to be kidding me, I thought. No way in hell did I want to do this for 5 more hours and then still have to push! I asked what my options for pain medications were. Mimi told me I could have some narcotics that really wouldn't do anything, an interthecal (aka spinal) which would give me great reduction of pain for about 4 hours, or the epidural. Nope, I decided, maybe I could just go pee. Off to the bathroom I went. Mimi put some pee catcher thing in the toilet - I never ended up peeing. Eventually, she poked her head in to check on me and I told her that I wanted to stay there. I was holding onto the handicap bar with one hand and gripping the sink in a deathgrip with the other when Jared came in. At some point, he called Beth to let her know that we were at the hospital. I'm sure he called our parents, too, so they knew that the baby was coming, but I was too busy clutching the sink. I stayed in the bathroom for who knows how long. Jared helped me remember to breathe and make low sounds. It was so fucking hard to not scream. Instead, I mooed like a cow and hummed. He asked me a few times if I wanted to have something for the pain and I kept tellling him I didn't know. With each contraction, I wanted drugs, but in between contractions, I didn't. I was still on the toilet when Beth got there. I honestly have no concept of how time went that morning. Looking back now, everything went really fast but when I was in the present moment, everything seemed to take an eternity. Beth told me that it was okay if I wanted the interthecal. (It was hard to explain that I wanted that because I couldn't remember what the hell it was called.) I said maybe I just needed to change position again and out of the bathroom I went. I was so flippin' tired and hungry at that point. I wanted to keep using gravity to help things progress but I didn't have the energy to stand so I layed in the bed. I asked for something to eat and got a red popsicle. Jared handed it to me, I took a bite off the top of it and almost immediately spit it out as a contraction started. The contractions were so intense and strong at that point; with each one I had to be reminded not to scream or make high pitched sounds. They didn't seem to end at all. They had me all strapped down to the monitor and I remember asking if the contraction was over than why did it still hurt. I wanted that damn interthecal. I felt like I wouldn't have the energy to continue laboring and push when the time came if I didn't get some sleep. Jill told me that I had to decide if I wanted it for real because she wasn't going to check me again for another two hours. (It was probably about 11 am or so by then.) Then she told me that I might have some nausea or vomiting from it so I decided that I'd rather be in pain than puke. (I have a huge fear of throwing up, stupid, I know but it's my biggest fear.) Jill said they could give me Zolfram to help with the potential nausea but I was still undecided. They must have been so annoyed with me - make up your mind, lady! A few contractions later I said I wanted the spinal. So Mimi got me all hooked up with an IV, sent in the call to the anesthiologist, and got Jill to put in the orders for the Zolfram. The Zolfram arrived, the IV was in, the contractions were still amazingly intense, and still no anesthiologist. Finally she showed up. They had already explained how the procedure would go but of course, she had to go through the whole spiel again. I remember looking at her and thinking "Would you just hurry the fuck up and do your job?" As she was talking, another contraction started and I hollered, "I NEED TO PUSH!!!". Out went to anesthiologist. In came the midwife. She checked me and told me I could go ahead and push; I only had a small lip of cervix left. Looking back, no wonder I wanted drugs despite my desire and birth plan of going drug-free - that's transition for you!!!
The next 45 minutes are a blur. I know I was on my hands and knees to push for a while. At one point, Mimi was trying to strap the blood pressure cuff on me and I was getting so irritated with her doing that. Finally she got a good reading and left me alone with that stupid cuff. I think I might have snapped at her or something. My legs and arms were so tired and shaky so I turned back over. There was another woman that was "pushy" under my midwife's care so Jill was running back and forth from her room to my room. The pushing stage was so intense and essentially an out of body experience. Beth held one leg, Mimi held the other, and Jared was wiping my head and neck with cold washcloths and bringing me water between contractions. I think I slept a bit between contractions. My legs hurt so bad and I remember saying "My legs don't even hurt this bad after a 10 mile run." Eventually, the baby got low enough for them to get all the stuff ready for her to show up. They asked me if I wanted a mirror to see (or so Jared tells me - I totally don't remember) and I told them no. They told me I could touch to feel the progress. I told them no. I didn't want to see or touch because I didn't want to know how much more I had to go! Each contraction gave me about 3 or 4 times to bear down. Towards the end, I started to get really dizzy. Mimi instructed Jared how to set the oxygen up and he got me all hooked up with the mask so I'd have some oxygen for me and the baby. The most helpful thing that anyone did during the delivery stage was hearing Jared tell me that I was doing a great job. Each time he said that, I got more energy. After each push, I looked at him for encouragement so I could keep going. With each contraction and each push, I tried to imagine and visualize the birth canal opening and expanding to let her through safely. (In Ina May's Guide to Childbirth one mother's mantra during delivery was "I'm gonna get huge" [referring to her vagina] so I tried to keep that in mind.) Someone asked me today if it felt like a red hot bowling ball was passing out of my body and I concluded that was a pretty good analogy. Honestly, since it's been a month, the memory of the pain has faded dramatically so I can't really say anymore.
Anika Jade Kachmarek (although she was nameless for the next 24 or so hours) was born at 12:30. She weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 21 inches long. They put her on my belly, clamped the cord, had Jared cut it, and then whisked her over to the rotisserie. She had the cord wrapped around her neck so they needed to check her out and get her jump-started. Hearing her cry was the sweetest music. I am so in love with that girl. So is Jared. So is Alex. I love my family.
Saturday morning, my sister and I went to get our facials. It was heavenly! My esthetician worked the reflex points on my feet, ankles, and heels like crazy and it hurt like hell but felt great. I knew it was worth it. I spent the rest of the day relaxing. Sunday was a different story! I sure didn't get the "burst of energy" that they talk about when you start nesting but man, oh, man did I bust ass on cleaning my house. I figured that it was probably my last chance unless I took an extra day off work to do it and I knew that wasn't a possibility. Plus I figured the activity might move things along! All day long I continued to have mild, irregular contractions.
Jared had baseball that afternoon/evening so I met my friend Joy and her two step sons at the gym and we hung out in the pool. We didn't do anything but bob around in the water and it felt great. I wish I had hit the pool earlier in my pregnancy just for the wonderful feeling of weightlessness. Jared got home from baseball around 8 and we settled in to watch some TV. Just as I plopped my fat ass on the love seat, I felt a liquid warm my nether regions. Now, I'd forgotten to bring clean undies to the gym with me so I was going commando. I headed into the bathroom to check things out. There was a huge wet spot on the crotch of my jeans and more fluid kept coming out. I knew I wasn't peeing because I hadn't peed more than a tablespoon or so in months and it just kept coming! I called Jared in and told him I thought my water had broke. We were both a little nervous and excited. Honestly, sitting on the toilet, my heart rate quickened, and my stomach started turning flip flops. I called the clinic and the midwife on call said to stick it out at home and get a good night's sleep since my birth plan was to go it without interventions. I called my sister and told her I needed her to bring my camera back (I had borrowed it to her to use the day before) so she came over. She was irritated until I told her why I needed her to bring it right away. While waiting for her, I wandered around the house, trying to pack my bag and delivering the news to my parents. (My dad was super funny and just passed me off to my mom.) I tried to watch TV and couldn't concentrate, hopped on the computer to update here, and mostly did everything but get rest. I figured I better take a shower and get the business cleaned up and shave my legs since Jared wasn't willing to shave for me. I really wish I would have forced him to (or scheduled a bikini wax to go with my facial) because when I checked things out after delivery, I discovered that I did a horrible job. I missed so many spots. We went to bed around 11 pm and I just tossed and turned, continuing to have random contractions, growing in intensity. I think I got a total of around 2 or 3 hours of sleep.
At 8 am Monday morning, we loaded our bags into the car, explained to Alex where we were going and who we would return with, and headed off to the hospital. At that time, I felt pretty calm and very excited. Jared was pretty excited to think that soon he'd be holding his little girl. I changed into my nightgown, got strapped into the fetal monitor, and went through about a billion pages of paperwork. Sign this, fill out that, blah, blah, blah for about a half hour! Meanwhile, the contractions that I'd been having essentially mellowed out. Eventually the midwife on call, Jenny, came in to check me out. She did two different tests to see if it was amniotic fluid and both came back negative and she said it was just my mucous plug. (Here I was expecting to find a giant booger in my shorts but instead it's more like I peed my pants. Throughout the day it got more booger-y.) She asked me if I wanted her to check my cervix. I said sure but I'll probably cry if I'm not dilated. Yep, I cried. Not dilated. So we packed up our bags and headed home. I cried all the way back to the car and all the way home. And then cried some more when I got home.
I took a nap for about 2 or 3 hours. My mom and I went to get pedicures and went to Target. The walking around helped and I noticed that my contrations were getting stronger. We met my sister and my friend Joy for dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant. All through dinner, I kept having contractions intense enough to have to rock back and forth to distract myself. Those contractions continued all evening. I think I went to bed around 11 pm.
Around midnight on Tuesday, the contractions started getting very regular. I'd look at the clock and try to sleep between them. At that point they were about 8 to 10 minutes apart and a little less than a minute long. Around 1:30 or 2, I couldn't handle laying in bed anymore and got up. I fired up www.contractionmaster.com and tried to distract myself by surfing the net. Each contraction got more and more intense and I found that I had to stand up and sway during each. I cried with almost every one. They were about a minute long and 6 to 8 minutes apart. Around 3, I decided that I couldn't do it alone anymore and got Jared up. I felt scared and alone and needed his support. He was confused because my water hadn't broken - it took me a long time to explain to him that it doesn't have to have broken for me to be in labor. (Apparently he wasn't paying attention in baby class...) I was pretty pissed off at him because he wasn't doing a damn thing to help me out. All he was doing was laying on the couch and hitting start on his iPhone with Labor Mate. And he was getting pissed off at me because I wasn't saying specifically to him "Okay, another contraction just started." Honestly, you'd think that a woman swaying in the middle of the living room in the dark, with tears streaming down her face would be indication enough. So we yelled at each other and I told him to piss off and go to work and I'd do it alone. He got dressed and was standing at the door about to leave when we got it together and both calmed down. I reminded him to look at the list of things he could do to help that he had made in birth class. He thought maybe we ought to go to the hospital. I called and talked to Jenny (same midwife from the day before). She said it sounded like I was still in early labor and to come in whenever I felt like I needed to and that she'd let them know to expect me sometime that morning or so. I was pretty disappointed to hear that; I thought for sure she'd say "Get your ass in here - that baby's on her way out in a few minutes." I called our doula, Beth, and asked her to come over to help get Jared and me on track. When she got to our house, I was in the nursery in the glider and Jared was sitting next to me. Having him close during contractions was helpful. Beth suggested that I try to get some sleep if I could and also change postion every half hour. Lay down for a half hour, walk for a half hour, get in the shower or bath for a half hour... So she left, told us to call her when we were leaving for the hospital or at the hospital. She said she'd know for sure that I was in active labor because Jared would be the one calling her, not me. She was right. I think I had him call my work and tell them that I wasn't going to be in. (I had talked to them after our false alarm and told them to expect me at work.)
Around 6 am or so, Jared, Alex, and I snuggled in bed. I was able to get a bit of sleep in between contractions. It was almost impossible to lay down during each contraction - some of them I stood and swayed, some I rocked on my hands and knees, some I walked around. The only consistent thing I did was cry and tell Jared that it hurt so bad - he kept asking me if I wanted to go to the hospital and have some drugs. I kept telling him no, I didn't want to go (I was afraid that they'd send me home again). I tried standing in the shower, I tried sitting in the bathtub, and that was too intense. I couldn't sit still during them anymore or even keep it together. Jared decided that we were going to the hospital. I kept wandering around the house, he was telling me to get dressed, I told him I didn't know what to wear. He found my jeans and actually had to put them on for me. I went to the hospital wearing a nightgown and jeans. I paced up and down the sidewalk until Jared forced me to get in the car. It was so intense to sit down - I pushed my feet hard into the floor and my hands into the roof of the car or grabbed the oh shit handle and just prayed that we made it to the hospital in time. There was some dumbass ahead of us camped out a stoplight when he could have turned so I leaned over and laid on the horn. Seriously, didn't he know there was a lady in labor behind him?! The ride to the hospital took probably about 15 minutes but felt like an eternity. I think we left around 9 am or so.
My hospital has valet parking (due to the construction currently going on) so we pulled into the U to drop the car off. I got out and headed towards the door. Jared took care of grabbing our bags and handing off the keys to the valet. The valet guy offered to get me a wheelchair. I just ignored him and kept going. The guy immediately inside the door told someone at the reception desk that I needed a wheelchair and an escort. I told him I didn't and kept going. I had no idea where Jared was. I just knew where I needed to go and didn't need anyone interfering with my progress. I must have looked pretty rough because on the walk to L&D, I had about a half dozen more people either ask me, "Ma'am, are you okay?" or if I needed help. Apparently, there is a shortage of hugely pregnant women in nightgowns and jeans with tears streaming down their faces bookin' it to the delivery area. Somehow I made it to the right floor and somehow Jared was there with me. (I guess I wasn't going as fast as I thought I was...) We got to the nurses desk and they asked me my name, of course, I couldn't answer so Jared took care of getting me taken checked in. They told me I was looking and doing really good, definetely active. I told them I was doing terrible and that they better hurry because she was coming. Off we went to the same room we were in just 24 hours before. Thank God we did all that paperwork the day before because there was no way in hell I would have been able to sit through 30 minutes of that shit again!
I didn't even bother going into the bathroom to take off my jeans and underwear. Somehow they made it back into my overnight bag - it's still a mystery how. Mimi, my nurse, hooked me up to all the monitors and Jill, the midwife on call (now my favorite midwife), came in to check me out. She asked if we had a birth plan and Jared handed it over to her. She said she wanted to make sure that she didn't do anything she wasn't supposed to! After looking it over, she did my internal. Now remember, I was certain that the baby was crowning. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when Jill said I was dilated to 5 cm. Say what?! Shit, shit, shit. I have to go 5 more cm?! Jill was super impressed that I was that far. She said typically women progress 1 cm per hour. You've got to be kidding me, I thought. No way in hell did I want to do this for 5 more hours and then still have to push! I asked what my options for pain medications were. Mimi told me I could have some narcotics that really wouldn't do anything, an interthecal (aka spinal) which would give me great reduction of pain for about 4 hours, or the epidural. Nope, I decided, maybe I could just go pee. Off to the bathroom I went. Mimi put some pee catcher thing in the toilet - I never ended up peeing. Eventually, she poked her head in to check on me and I told her that I wanted to stay there. I was holding onto the handicap bar with one hand and gripping the sink in a deathgrip with the other when Jared came in. At some point, he called Beth to let her know that we were at the hospital. I'm sure he called our parents, too, so they knew that the baby was coming, but I was too busy clutching the sink. I stayed in the bathroom for who knows how long. Jared helped me remember to breathe and make low sounds. It was so fucking hard to not scream. Instead, I mooed like a cow and hummed. He asked me a few times if I wanted to have something for the pain and I kept tellling him I didn't know. With each contraction, I wanted drugs, but in between contractions, I didn't. I was still on the toilet when Beth got there. I honestly have no concept of how time went that morning. Looking back now, everything went really fast but when I was in the present moment, everything seemed to take an eternity. Beth told me that it was okay if I wanted the interthecal. (It was hard to explain that I wanted that because I couldn't remember what the hell it was called.) I said maybe I just needed to change position again and out of the bathroom I went. I was so flippin' tired and hungry at that point. I wanted to keep using gravity to help things progress but I didn't have the energy to stand so I layed in the bed. I asked for something to eat and got a red popsicle. Jared handed it to me, I took a bite off the top of it and almost immediately spit it out as a contraction started. The contractions were so intense and strong at that point; with each one I had to be reminded not to scream or make high pitched sounds. They didn't seem to end at all. They had me all strapped down to the monitor and I remember asking if the contraction was over than why did it still hurt. I wanted that damn interthecal. I felt like I wouldn't have the energy to continue laboring and push when the time came if I didn't get some sleep. Jill told me that I had to decide if I wanted it for real because she wasn't going to check me again for another two hours. (It was probably about 11 am or so by then.) Then she told me that I might have some nausea or vomiting from it so I decided that I'd rather be in pain than puke. (I have a huge fear of throwing up, stupid, I know but it's my biggest fear.) Jill said they could give me Zolfram to help with the potential nausea but I was still undecided. They must have been so annoyed with me - make up your mind, lady! A few contractions later I said I wanted the spinal. So Mimi got me all hooked up with an IV, sent in the call to the anesthiologist, and got Jill to put in the orders for the Zolfram. The Zolfram arrived, the IV was in, the contractions were still amazingly intense, and still no anesthiologist. Finally she showed up. They had already explained how the procedure would go but of course, she had to go through the whole spiel again. I remember looking at her and thinking "Would you just hurry the fuck up and do your job?" As she was talking, another contraction started and I hollered, "I NEED TO PUSH!!!". Out went to anesthiologist. In came the midwife. She checked me and told me I could go ahead and push; I only had a small lip of cervix left. Looking back, no wonder I wanted drugs despite my desire and birth plan of going drug-free - that's transition for you!!!
The next 45 minutes are a blur. I know I was on my hands and knees to push for a while. At one point, Mimi was trying to strap the blood pressure cuff on me and I was getting so irritated with her doing that. Finally she got a good reading and left me alone with that stupid cuff. I think I might have snapped at her or something. My legs and arms were so tired and shaky so I turned back over. There was another woman that was "pushy" under my midwife's care so Jill was running back and forth from her room to my room. The pushing stage was so intense and essentially an out of body experience. Beth held one leg, Mimi held the other, and Jared was wiping my head and neck with cold washcloths and bringing me water between contractions. I think I slept a bit between contractions. My legs hurt so bad and I remember saying "My legs don't even hurt this bad after a 10 mile run." Eventually, the baby got low enough for them to get all the stuff ready for her to show up. They asked me if I wanted a mirror to see (or so Jared tells me - I totally don't remember) and I told them no. They told me I could touch to feel the progress. I told them no. I didn't want to see or touch because I didn't want to know how much more I had to go! Each contraction gave me about 3 or 4 times to bear down. Towards the end, I started to get really dizzy. Mimi instructed Jared how to set the oxygen up and he got me all hooked up with the mask so I'd have some oxygen for me and the baby. The most helpful thing that anyone did during the delivery stage was hearing Jared tell me that I was doing a great job. Each time he said that, I got more energy. After each push, I looked at him for encouragement so I could keep going. With each contraction and each push, I tried to imagine and visualize the birth canal opening and expanding to let her through safely. (In Ina May's Guide to Childbirth one mother's mantra during delivery was "I'm gonna get huge" [referring to her vagina] so I tried to keep that in mind.) Someone asked me today if it felt like a red hot bowling ball was passing out of my body and I concluded that was a pretty good analogy. Honestly, since it's been a month, the memory of the pain has faded dramatically so I can't really say anymore.
Anika Jade Kachmarek (although she was nameless for the next 24 or so hours) was born at 12:30. She weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 21 inches long. They put her on my belly, clamped the cord, had Jared cut it, and then whisked her over to the rotisserie. She had the cord wrapped around her neck so they needed to check her out and get her jump-started. Hearing her cry was the sweetest music. I am so in love with that girl. So is Jared. So is Alex. I love my family.
No comments:
Post a Comment